Atreides Mercenary Service Application Form


I, the undersigned, do hereby acknowledge:

That House Atreides, its agents, swordmasters, mentats, and loyal staff (hereafter referred to as “The Noble House”), are not liable for any of the following outcomes during my service on Arrakis:

Sandworm-related digestion, trampling, or existential terror

Accidental exposure to raw spice, resulting in prescience, madness, or both

Knife fights to the death (ritualistic or otherwise)

Friendly fire from ornithopter strafing runs

Improper stillsuit maintenance leading to unflattering dehydration

I understand that joining House Atreides is voluntary, though heavily encouraged by peer pressure, charisma of Duke Leto, and/or manipulation by the Bene Gesserit.

I affirm that I will not seek compensation, therapy, or revenge upon:

Paul “Muad’Dib” Atreides, even if he yells cryptic things at me

Lady Jessica, especially during weirding way demonstrations

Gurney Halleck, particularly if he’s singing again

I acknowledge that the desert takes what it wants, and that includes my dignity, boots, and possibly my soul.

I will not hold the Noble House responsible if I am:

Mistaken for a Harkonnen spy and lightly stabbed

Sent on a spice harvesting mission during a Category 5 Shai-Hulud event

Recruited into a messianic jihad across the galaxy against my will